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M.

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 16:28:52 GMT

i wrote you a secret note at the back of your hand.
i think the ink must've worn off by the sweat. it's probably still there, a few hints of each letters for each word.
don't worry, i said something so brief.
3 words, that's all i needed.

still,

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 10:55:02 GMT

the heart of a liar stands.

He didn't change her, in fact he even made her worse. The beginning is always the sweetest fairytale. The first of December is a night filled with star-crossed lovers holding on to each other's gaze, the feeling becomes infectious and feeds itself on to an empty heart. Days pass and she was so sure she'd forget yet he comes along, with his disarming promises to accompany him. Nights are spent talking about the most senseless things, as she falls for his every word. Then, he decides his heart might just burst into a thousand pieces if he doesnt find a way to tell her that she's what he's been needing all along. She swore on her life that that kiss meant so much more than a night's feeling to her. They become what they've always wanted and through it all, they see past the obstacles and decide that there's no better way than to hold on. He becomes skeptical and all she does all along, is try to convince him of her true feelings.

Yet now maybe she's the one who's lost in this little fairytale story. She gave her heart away so willingly, without a second's pause. She was wrong all along, she still had that heart, that heart of a liar. She knows she wants him and she likes him. She knows he's the best thing that's ever happened to her. She knows that no one else could ever make her heart skip a beat but him. She knows that no one else will make 11:11 wishes with her but him. She knows that no one else will put up with her but him. She knows that no one else will make a random List with her but him. She knows that there's no one else she could fall for so hard but that boy. But as the story wore on, the boy began to change. The boy promised so much yet fell so short of what she expected him to be. The boy gave in to little temptations and took some things too far.

She begins to become the worst with him, doing things she never thought she would. She forgets about the most important things too easily now that she's with him. He, in turn, begins to fall away.
Both of them have changed ever since the start.

Now, that she's unsure of what she feels for this new boy, because in actual fact, she fell for that old boy, what will she do? She's caught up in a moment that's not willing to be resolved. Many say to take a break, give it some time but she might not have him all throughout the time she thinks for herself. She's scared to find out that.. all along, it's really not him that she needed. It's the friendship that she wanted more. She's scared to let the feeling go.
She's scared to let him go.

Because, both the new and old, she's fallen hard for.
Because, no one else.... NO ONE else, can make her feel that way but her only one. How can something feel so wrong?

Now, where does all of this lead her?
Where does this lead both of them?

What,

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 16:42:49 GMT

does it mean when I expose my vulnerability in front of you and let the tears slide down uncontrollably, with no means to hold them back? What does it mean when I silently beg for Forever to hear me out, this one time? What does it mean when I dig through your skin and hold on, till there's nothing left of you here for me? What does it mean when I get lost in the depth of your eyes? What does this deconstruction mean everytime you tear through this heart, leaving indelibe scars?
What else can all of this possibly mean?

What to do,

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 11:30:16 GMT

when the fireworks diminish in a single desperate spark? Its wings are misplaced so terribly, that it flies here and there. What to do when the cold night air brings about something new, something that is not.. of you? To fight this feeling with only a fragment of my heart might not even surprass the days to make it in time till the next twenty-first. :(

I am..

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 07:27:02 GMT

the hostage of a thousand and one secrets.
The previous place of unveiling has died down to a silent, melancholic whisper. Only so little has been understood from that place, for how will an untrained heart transcend and give notice to the little words these lips need so badly to convey?
This place will be like that of the empty spaces in my loose sheets of paper. The invisibility of words leaves so little to be deciphered.

I am, now, a hostage of a thousand secrets.